I love wake-up sex.

I think that it is god's way of reminding us that he loves us.

There is nothing better than waking up, remembering the events of the night before with a grin, realizing that a beautiful woman is in bed with you, turning over only to have her ask if we have time for one more 'go' before I have to 'really' get up to get ready.

my, oh, my. Life is good.

It almost makes it worthwhile to have them stay the night. Almost. Although the uncomfortable sleep because of the sharing of the bed makes me think the opposite.

How did I put up with mediocre sex for soooo long? Why did I compromise so much? Love is a fucked up thing. It makes you lose yourself and give up too much. I was like the Allies at Munich with that girl. rediculous.

So needless to say, I had a debaucherous weekend.

Friday night, tried to go to the O's game but it got sold out- and I gave away the tix I had because I only had 4 and our party swelled to 8. But by game time, we were down to 3 and I regretted giving them away. But we went to ESPN Zone and watched the game and had a good time. Then went back to the apartment, had too many beers and played video games until 4am, when my buddy nick had to leave. Well, no time like drunk time to dial up some women.

I end up hooking up with this 40 yr old divorcee who lives in my building and has been way hot on my jock. Bad decision probably in hindsight but she was amazing for being that old *that doesnt sound like I want it too but I'm too tired to come up with a correct sumation*

I end up having my last beer in the front courtyard at 730 am with the homeless guy who lives in the church entryway across the street.

I ended up sleeping until 7pm or so and then kinda getting started again, although it was just my sister and I because once again people bailed on me.

On Sunday I had a pseudo-date with an old flame who technically has a boyfriend right now, but she is planning on ending it. We went to a museum here in the city and then to 5 guys for burgers. A modest date perhaps, but after 5 hours I had convinced her that she should end it with this guy and the perfect way to move on was to hook up with me. Sweet.

She left in the early evening, then I hit the shower and by 10 another girl who I have been meaning to meet up with was over and we were watching a movie. One thing led to another and she ended up staying the night, thus leading to the stupendous morning sex that has left me grinning all morning, but also a bit tired.

It was very much a college inspired weekend. and this week its back to the gym every night and getting on my regime again until vaca in 2 weeks. but it was fun for what it was.

I never had fun times like that anymore- not since her. I always said that she made me a better man, but now I am seriously doubting that. Based upon the events and movie selection of the weekend, I've been left with the decision on who I should emulate: Lloyd Dobler, Rob Gordon, or Tucker Max.

So I don't think about my ex alot. In fact, just about never anymore unless someone brings her up, I have to tell a story from the past 2 years, or one of the wonderful women at work wonders aloud how she could ever let a great guy like me get away (those are my favs).

 

Then out of the blue, I had a dream last night about her. Well, in a way.

 

So she's going to college, my alma mater as a matter of fact. Shes living in my old dorm, but on the 13th floor which was like a lounge/kitchen area for the building. So the dream kinda opens with me in the elevator, all in first person. I look down and I have a gun in my hand. I know what I'm there for, and at times I act without thinking of acting. Although my body seems to know whats going on, im discovering it as I go along.

 

I get off the elevator and immediately shoot this girl, who is standing their waiting, after she screams. I then lock the elevator on the floor and call the other elevator as well and lock it on the floor. Then I wire both stairway doors with explosives. Now I'm wondering why I am doing this, but my body is just doing it. Then  the door at the end of the hall opens and I see her. And I'm terrified and I get this knot in the pit of my stomach and my heart seems to drop. The same thing that used to happen when i saw her or thought about her. But I put a round in the doorframe above her head and she ducks back into the door.

 

I then go around and open every door on the floor and in each and every room the person is on their knees in the center of the room. They plead for their life and I shoot them anyway. When I've cleared every room, what follows is several hours of me sitting with the ex and talking and crying and all of that. I knew I was like holding her their but it didnt seem like it.

 

Then from no where my mood changes and I realize that she is dating one of the bullies from my middle school. which just pisses me off and I walk to the window and grab the rifle thats there and snipe him from the open window. Just that quickly. Thought, walk, shoot, sit back down. She seems unfazed by it all.

 

After some back in forth, the knot in my stomach dissipates and I feel much better. We're standing in the area in front of the elevators and I know, somehow, that the police are coming up the stairs. Shes looking at me and telling me we should leave together and itll all be fine. I tell her she is the worst and the best thing to ever happen to me. And I shoot her in the head. In the same motion, I turn and run towards the big windows down the hall. I shoot them out, step on the now empty frame. I pause for just a moment to take in the view and then jump.

 

I didn't have the feeling that I was killing myself. The feeling wasn't falling but more like flying. I can only relate it to the scene from the Matrix where Morpheus leaps from one building to another. Like a small jump but I was traveling a ways- not falling but flying.

 

Then I woke up.

 

It left me with a strange feeling when I woke up. Like relief. Not to be awake like I was scared but when you wake up without an alarm and you feel fully rested and you greet the day with a big breath. Like that.

 

Any thoughts?

I believe I may have finally defeated redwoodpecker  Is he gone for good?

 

MWAHAHAHAHA

So I heard recently, and fact-checked of course and its true, that there are 100 million single people in this country. That makes up about 44% of the adult 18-55 year old population.

 

Why are there so many single people? You would think with that many single people in the country, more would be getting together. But even in the age of internet and speed dating (neither of which I have had success with), nearly half of all adults are single/consider themselves single.

 

Who is to blame for this? Men? Women? Work? The Economy?

 

What chance does an average looking guy (albeit with above average intelligence ) with an average job and an average car and an average apartment and an average life stand in this singles market?

 

More of my thoughts and hopefully your comments later...

So yesterday, May 5, I celebrated being 6 months single. Although, by my own admission, I have not had great success with relationships in general, there has not been a period like this where I have been without one. So I celebrated accordingly, I think. That is, over the weekend I had some 'no strings attached' sex and then, because it fell on cinco de mayo, yesterday I got snookered and slept like a baby. (side note- it was very weird to get drunk on only 3 or 4 beers but, at the same time, good in a way)

 

I don't know exactly what to think about it though. Although in some ways I am torn, for the most part I am happy that for the first time in my life I have no one to worry about but me. Some of my friends say that this is a by-product of not yet being over Laura. That I can't move on so instead I stay single. I don't see it that way though. I don't want to be with Laura, for sure, but I don't want to be with anyone else either. I want to worry about me and just me.

 

Now, I have also used it as an excuse, to be sure. Since my weight loss and attitude change, I know that I am more attractive. Some women/girls who I know or who I've been friends with a long time have suddenly become interested in me. My policy is, if I wasn't good enough to date then, then I am not good enough to date now; and I have used the excuse of wanting to be single to keep them at bay. But, truthfully, I am not closed off to a relationship. If I were to meet someone that was worth giving up the single life for, I would. But I haven't yet. And I am not sure I will in the near future.

 

Is there something wrong with thinking this way? Should every person be looking out for Mr./Miss Right all the time, even if you don't believe in that? Am I just compensating because I am not over Laura?

 

Laura took the route of becoming involved with someone immediately after we broke up. Of course, she had been lining someone up for that position for sometime before hand and I had not. But I think after a year and a half together- I needed time for me and to get over her and to move on. And I took that time. But I found that I liked who I was and how I was during that time, so why not just continue it on. Not because its getting over her or moving on, i.e. because it is necesary, but rather because it is fun and its what I want right now.

 

Makes sense to me.