So I don't think about my ex alot. In fact, just about never anymore unless someone brings her up, I have to tell a story from the past 2 years, or one of the wonderful women at work wonders aloud how she could ever let a great guy like me get away (those are my favs).

Then out of the blue, I had a dream last night about her. Well, in a way.

So she's going to college, my alma mater as a matter of fact. Shes living in my old dorm, but on the 13th floor which was like a lounge/kitchen area for the building. So the dream kinda opens with me in the elevator, all in first person. I look down and I have a gun in my hand. I know what I'm there for, and at times I act without thinking of acting. Although my body seems to know whats going on, im discovering it as I go along.

I get off the elevator and immediately shoot this girl, who is standing their waiting, after she screams. I then lock the elevator on the floor and call the other elevator as well and lock it on the floor. Then I wire both stairway doors with explosives. Now I'm wondering why I am doing this, but my body is just doing it. Then  the door at the end of the hall opens and I see her. And I'm terrified and I get this knot in the pit of my stomach and my heart seems to drop. The same thing that used to happen when i saw her or thought about her. But I put a round in the doorframe above her head and she ducks back into the door.

I then go around and open every door on the floor and in each and every room the person is on their knees in the center of the room. They plead for their life and I shoot them anyway. When I've cleared every room, what follows is several hours of me sitting with the ex and talking and crying and all of that. I knew I was like holding her their but it didnt seem like it.

Then from no where my mood changes and I realize that she is dating one of the bullies from my middle school. which just pisses me off and I walk to the window and grab the rifle thats there and snipe him from the open window. Just that quickly. Thought, walk, shoot, sit back down. She seems unfazed by it all.

After some back in forth, the knot in my stomach dissipates and I feel much better. We're standing in the area in front of the elevators and I know, somehow, that the police are coming up the stairs. Shes looking at me and telling me we should leave together and itll all be fine. I tell her she is the worst and the best thing to ever happen to me. And I shoot her in the head. In the same motion, I turn and run towards the big windows down the hall. I shoot them out, step on the now empty frame. I pause for just a moment to take in the view and then jump.

I didn't have the feeling that I was killing myself. The feeling wasn't falling but more like flying. I can only relate it to the scene from the Matrix where Morpheus leaps from one building to another. Like a small jump but I was traveling a ways- not falling but flying.

Then I woke up.

It left me with a strange feeling when I woke up. Like relief. Not to be awake like I was scared but when you wake up without an alarm and you feel fully rested and you greet the day with a big breath. Like that.

Any thoughts?